The Hackiest of the Hacks

Matt Taibbi concludes his brilliant "Wimblehack" series, or the First Quadrennial Election Hack Invitational, awarding the top prize (or not) to Elisabeth Bumiller of the New York Times.
(Greg Sargent also singles out Bumiller's hackiness.)

Here are the previous rounds of "Wimblehack":
Round 1
Round 2
Round 3
Round 4, which illuminates this gem of pure hackiness:

In an Oct. 21 piece [Bumiller] co-wrote with third-round dropout Jodi Wilgoren ("A Blistering Attack by Bush, A Long Indictment by Kerry"), Bumiller managed to relay 1325 words of Bush-Kerry accusations on security issues without including one detail about what their actual Iraq policies are. In the spaces where those explanations should have come, she and Wilgoren just stuck in Tumulter-saults** as in this passage:

"Mr. Kerry sought to rebut Mr. Bush with a detailed policy speech Wednesday, unusual for this late stage in a campaign. His aides said Mr. Kerry delivered the speech because he must prove himself as an acceptable wartime leader before he can win over undecided voters on domestic issues like health care and embryonic stem-cell research."

** dfn: "Named after Karen Tumulty, who pioneered and perfected its use, the Tumulter-sault is a neat little literary device through which reporters refer to 'details on the issues' without ever elaborating upon those actual details."

This is a good one, confining a "detailed policy speech" to the words "detailed policy speech" in order to leave room for more newsworthy stuff like this:

"Mr. Bush's aides said they were delighted to see Mr. Kerry spend the day discussing national security, the central component of the president's campaign, because they believed it meant he was on the defensive."

Try to imagine that scene. Elisabeth Bumiller is sitting somewhere in Iowa chatting up a Bush aide (or "aides," according to the attribution). One of the aides deadpans: "You know, Elisabeth, we're delighted that Kerry spent the day discussing national security, because that means he's on the defensive."
Bumiller nods seriously, writes it down in her notebook... And then an hour later, she fucking publishes it? Her husband must have to restrain her from taking notes when they go used-car shopping.

The partisan and ideological biases of outlets like Fox News and of the Loud 'n Louder punditry are obvious. Taibbi's more astute media criticism diagnoses the democracy-threatening disease of passive conformity which infects most contemporary journalism. Election coverage is stripped of political content in favor of the "flash 'n' clash" sensationalism of personalities engaged in competitive sport:

That is what our national elections are all about. It's a gladiatorial spectacle in which individual dignity is ritualistically destroyed over the course of more than a year of constant battering and television exposure. Whether this is a trick of the elite to deliver a frightening object lesson to the population, or whether it represents the actual emotional desire of an impressively mean and stupid citizenry, that's hard to say. Either way, it sucks.

It was all a game to these people, which is why they covered it like a game.

The watchdogs have become lapdogs, repeatedly chasing the ball thrown by their masters and returning it, tails wagging, knowing they'll get treats and pats on the head. Say what you will about the plutocratic elite, they recognize dogs as their best friends and treat them very well.

For Albert (1989-2004)