Happy Days Are Here Again

Earlier this year, in a letter boosting John McCain's conservative bona fides, Bob Dole pointed out "that McCain’s voting record — as measured by support for the president — mirrored that of the ultra-conservative former [now dead!] U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms (R-N.C.)." Since McCain seems to be having trouble finding the right people to run his campaign, I nominate Bob Dole.

Back to the happy occasion: I propose the July 4th holiday be changed from one celebrating the Declaration of Independence to one celebrating Helms's death.
We don't have enough holidays celebrating the deaths of major assholes.

Remember this:

On Aug. 3 [1993] Senator Moseley-Braun was in a Senate elevator with two other senators. Senator Helms entered the elevator, saw Senator Moseley-Braun and began to sing, "I wish I was in the land of cotton." Senator Helms then turned to Senator Orrin Hatch, one of the other senators present, and said: "I'm going to make her cry. I'm going to sing 'Dixie' until she cries."

Now, I know it may be un-ladylike, but wouldn't you love to see Carol Moseley-Braun squat over Helms's casket and take a big ol' dump while singing "Lift Ev'ry Voice and Sing"?

Good riddance, motherfucker.

Lift ev'ry voice and sing,

'Til earth and heaven ring,

Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;

Let our rejoicing rise

High as the listening skies,

Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.

Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,

Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us;

Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,

Let us march on 'til victory is won.

UPDATE: Perhaps Helms fell dead after someone showed him this:

Barack Obama's promise to make a play for North Carolina -- a state that has consistently voted Republican since 1980 -- might just have some potential to really pay off, a new poll from Rasmussen suggests.

The numbers: McCain 45%, Obama 43%, within the ±4% margin of error. This is consistent with other recent polls that have shown McCain with only a small lead here.